blah

1. Spent too much time lamenting the state of my life.

2. Spent hours trying to (and actually succeeding)start getting rid of junk in the house.

Which led to:

3. Thinking about my Mom.

Which then led to:

4. Got depressed.

Or two, actually.

1. Anyone here on Secondlife?

and

B. Anyone here play EQ2?

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Night and day
I dream of
Making love
To you now baby
Love making
On screen
Impossible dream
And I have seen
The sunrise over the river
The freeway
Reminding of
This mess we're in

Last Night did not go as I had hoped. There was no joy expressed, there was only confusion, no clarity to be found. Everyone says "Stop searching, stop looking, stop expecting" which sounds and feels like they are telling me to just give up, that there is no hope for love in this world. I may be jaded, cynical and prone to depression, but if I do just "give up" what else is there left for me. It's hard enough that having achieved this state of cynicism to try and keep some optimism in my life.

I will admit to the fact that sarcasm (I card carrying member of the smart-ass club)and cynicism really do suit me. That being said, the only thing that has countered that and keeps me from just being an unpleasant asshole is the fact that I have always had hope, hope for love, companionship and humanity. Right now I really don't know why I bothered!

The closer I get to the trip planned for this coming weekend, the more the plan falls apart. Not that I am surprised, by now I should know that nothing that I organize and am looking forward to doing will ever work out.

I'll be working the circ desk at White Oak almost the whole week, which is nice. While it's not my favorite branch (the library head is a doofus) I do like most of the people there and it is only 5 minutes from my house. Working as a sub (substitute, not submissive) is fun and the pay is decent, it all just boils down to getting enough hours to make it worthwhile. The fact that I can get a call to work at any of the 23 branches in the county means that I get to meet a lot of interesting people. I actually have a crush on a librarian, (aah Noelle, what's not to like about a cute raven tressed librarian that writes vampire fiction)and that has not happened since i was ten or so.